Last updated January 2006
Ten miles behind me, and ten thousand more to go
I was born on Cape Cod in Massachusetts in 1980. Growing up I was a huge fan of Air Supply. Looking back now I think my parents should have taken that as a major sign that something was terribly wrong with me. I was your average tomboy, basically just one of the guys, which was working out really well for me until about junior high when puberty hit and differences between the "boys" and the "girls" really started to matter. Right now I'm doing my best to smooth out those differences, at least in my life. I created this website to serve as a resource and educational tool for people interested in what it means to be FTM (female-to-male transgender person). It has also become a journal of my own personal transition and experience with hormones and surgery.
I'm a 25 year old guy living in New England. I studied rehabilitation at a small liberal arts college for a while before leaving school. For a few years when I started college I identified as a dyke, because I knew I was attracted to women and I had a female body, so I assumed I must be a lesbian. After a while I began to understand my gender more fully, and I realized that there was more to me than just that. In the spring of 2000 I began identifying as transgender.
During the time I was living as a lesbian, I began to identify strongly as a stone butch. Even though I no longer consider myself to be a lesbian, that butch history remains a strong part of who I am today. Being a butch is how I have felt most comfortable with myself and in my relationships. You can read more about butch/femme and what that means to me in this section of my website. Hopefully soon I will add some more thoughts about living as a man and feeling such close ties to butch community and history.
I first talked to my mother about being transgender over Thanksgiving of 2000. A few months later I sent a letter to both my parents, further explaining what being trans meant to me. Although I haven't talked to my father much about it, I know that it's not something he is very comfortable with. In the beginning, neither of them were overly supportive, but made it clear that they loved me. They wanted me to be doing what I needed to do in order to become a whole person. There was a time when I couldn't even imagine telling my parents how I felt, but I've grown a lot since then. It was awful to be hiding such a huge part of my life from them. Now, more than five years after coming out to them, I think they have come a long way. They try to call me by my initials all the time instead of my birth name, and avoid pronouns all together if they can. They are still not comfortable referring to me as "he" or their son.
Soon after "coming out" I became involved with GLBT activism. I loved being able to help other people who were going through some of the same things I had dealt with. I try to stay very involved with the trans community as much as I can, through this website and other online communities, and in many other parts of my life. I think that as time goes on I will continue to stay active in the queer community, even though many people may not assume I am a queer person.
I am in the process of making the physical and mental changes necessary for me to become more comfortable with myself. In March of 2003 I gave myself my first injection of testosterone. The "T" is working to change my body in physical ways. For example, my voice has deepened, I have grown facial hair, and I've become less curvy and more muscular. I have also noticed social and emotional changes. I had chest reconstruction surgery with Dr. Hugh McLean in Mississauga, Ontario in June 2004. If you want to know any more about my trans identity or transition, feel free to email me.
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